GRAD

Yeah so this is me "graduating" ......

Why is it the things I learn I then live against ?

Been thinking of adding this for couple days. whateva. it was exciting for me when i typed this.
read all. or read everything but the bracketed randomness.
Kick my butt, i need it. Cos sometimes God teaches me these things then i screw up, and end up this apathetic loser. Kick me.
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- from the book Captivating.

- the doubled brackets = random me.




" What is it that God wants from me?
[[when i asked him this a year ago, he said “me - everyday!”]]
He wants the same thing that I want. He wants to be loved. He wants to be known as only lovers can know each other. He wants intimacy with me.

Yes, yes, he wants my obedience, but only when it flows out of a heart filled with love for him.
“Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me.” (John 14:21).
Following hard after Jesus is the heart’s natural response when it has been captured and has fallen deeply in love with him.

[[OBEDIENCE + LOVE]]

Reading George MacDonald several years ago, I came across an astounding thought. You’ve probably heard that there is in every human heart a place that God alone can fill. (Lord knows we’ve tried to fill it with everything else, to our utter dismay.)
[[true - sometimes it’s everyday that i try to fill it with something, but nothing takes, it’s like a skin-graft, my body won’t except anything but the real thing. the peace is never there, i’m never satisfied, unless it’s God! Like today I woke up feeling as anxious as when i went to sleep, only i no longer had sleep to occupy me. The ONLY thing that brought any peace and relaxation to me (i actually physically felt my shoulders unhunch & my body sigh), was hearing God say “I love you, I love you”. Which as i think about it...the peace came with those words.
...But prior to that, I’d been desperately asking God to talk to me, bcos I couldn’t feel Him anymore; I couldn’t hear him anymore. So i asked and I stopped talking myself, to listen to him. Then I obeyed what I thought could be him, I was so desperate I obeyed what I heard to do, even though I wasn’t sure it was him.
The instructions were this: "kneel, (as i did) so your head touches the floor, (as i did) keep it there, (soon felt freedom to move my head from touching the floor & at same time as hearing) look up at the sky, (in my head asking “will i even be able to see any sky” because i’m sure the blinds are shut, so i was doubting, but i looked up), (as i saw the sky (thank you Jesus) i heard) I love you, I love you." And with that my heart and body felt peace! ]]

But what the old poet was saying was that there is also in God’s heart a place that I alone can fill. “It follows that there is also a chamber in God himself, into which none can enter but the one, the individual.” Me. I am meant to fill a place in the heart of God no one and nothing else can fill. Whoa. He longs for me.
[[Can this be true? Is this true? Is this biblical? That’s my question and my reason for writing. ......????]]

I am the one that overwhelms his heart with just “one glance of your eyes” (song 4:9). I am the one he sings over with delight and longs to dance with across mountaintops and ballroom floors (Zeph 3:17).
[[God is funny! In his amazing way of answering when i ask for something...After writing the last thing about having peace again bcos he told me he loves me, i went to the bathroom, I heard music playing, and Jan has lit all the candles in the house to get rid of the smell of bacon. After writng the “i love you” story I was encouraged again and wowed by God encouraging me again, so I started dancing a little to the music & feeling romanced a little by the candles, and the previous ‘i love you’, I wanted to dance to God, and then with God! I wasn’t sure of what I was doing, kinda just testing the water a little. But remembered that i’d done it once before (danced with God) like a year ago, so thought it can be possible, and said as much to God, and then just lightly asked Him to show me, and teach me how to dance with him sometime soon. This is as i walk back to the computer, so i move in my head to ‘okay, typing again, where was is...’ , and as i type i read ‘i am the one he sings over with delight and LONGS TO DANCE WITH ACROSS MOUNTAINTOPS AND BALLROOM FLOORS ’. As I read it over (cos i was in type mode and not really thinking) i laughed and said wow! Happily surprised. Totally not expecting him to answer so soon! (Thank you God) And I was reminded of the hotel wooden movable ballroom floor on which we danced that last time, as I mentioned above, and recalled the real memory of it, and how it was very real then! wow!]]

I am the one who takes his breath away by my beautiful heart that, against all odds, hopes in him. Let that be true for a moment. Let it be true of me.

God wants to live this life together with me, to share in my days and decisions, my desires and disappointments. He wants intimacy with me in the midst of the madness and mundane, the meetings and memos, the laundry and lists, the carpools and conversations and projects and pain. He wants to pour his love into my heart and he longs to have me pour mine into his. He wants my deep heart, that center place within that is the truest me. He is not interetsed in intimacy with the woman I think I am supposed to be. He wants intimacy with the real me. "

Seriously now,

can i drive back to Plymouth from Abby ?

i think it could be true, person or no person

Apparantly due to my scientific answers in a quiz i have a secret sleep language...

do it at www.evany.com/sleeptest

"What's in a name? that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet..."

I googled my name...









i think i should be in on some of this... the sarah harris scholarship fund ...... !




Sarah Harris of Eldon House may have suffered from the ultimate bad date experience one evening in May of 1841 when her boyfriend showed up very late - and very dead.

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