Thanks Amanda

I'm glad i could talk to Amanda a couple nights ago, she surely helped me, and i hope i didnt talk to much about me... i'm slightly too self-absorbed sometimes... oops. But i have good friends they love me even with me being ridiculous-me sometimes. I cant work out that my space palarva so i'm gona stick with this journal of beautousness... enjoy! I'm gona visit my friend in Cornwall tomorrow, which'll be lovely, because both her and Cornwall (esp by the beach!) are lovely, AND i enjoy adventures on trains, so i am looking forward!! Also tomorrow it's Neal's birthday, he's 26 today, 27 tomorrow (yes i CAN count!), we're not dating anymore, i cant handle it, it's too abstract from anything i can understand. So i told him, much better this way, cos he isnt holding out for me (he told me he likes me a lot!). And i can think and relate to him in a way i feel comfortable, as a friend! I did have a random idea... as i do comprehend friendship with him, and i think i have a good comprehension of marriage (as best as i can without being wed!), but no comprehension of 'going-out' (even though i was for a long time...this is still strange, still dont know why i dont get it, but i dont, and infact thats okay, i'm not deranged or skrewed, i'm just Sarah, and dont understand EVERYTHING about THE WORLD yet, and thats okay!no guilty feelings necessary.)...so my natural conclusion, remember i am slightly quirkey (!) was to marry him right away. Yes that's right did you see it coming?!!!!! haha... quirky remember!! Talked it through with Fran today over some coffee sat right by the Sound (SOOOO BEAUTIFUL!), and now i have a better perspective. I am slightly ridiculous in some conclusions i come to! It's cos i have an abiding sense in me that ANYTHING is possible, so i will with joy do lots of things other people will automatically (sometimes quite rightly!) dismiss! I'm glad God has put people in my life who have a greater grasp of practical reality than me!!...it's a beautiful provision, thank you Father. ...So i'm not gona tell Neal about my random idea, not good to confuse him more, i've decided i need to honor him (he is a good man) enough that i wait a year - to be settled inside myself, having gotten over my relationship with CANADA. I need to honor him enough, that i choose HIM because i love him, not because it is a good idea that involves totally commitment forever so therfore would not hurt him bacause i'd never reject him. (do u see how it made sense to me?)BUT Fran made absolute sense when she said "so when u can only comprehend friendship, and marriage, but not a place inbetween, you choose marriage? how about choosing friendship?" Well... Am going to watch a artsy movie with Neal tonite but thats okay, as friends, and it was him who wanted it even after he said he couldnt see me so much anymore, he'll get over me soon, it's only ben a week anyhow!! 'Snow Cake' we'll watch...oooo filmed in a small Canadian town! Last nite i went to the theatre (oh la la) with Suzy and her mum, Grease, so great... sparkly lights and bright lovely costumes, loads of singing, a light-hearted wonderful night. Thanks Suzy's mum! LORD i dont want to be drinking in the afternoon anymore, change me Father, cause in me a desire and a will to honor you every hour of every day. I got the job in Holsworthy, 9hrs a week, doing youth work with Devon County Council (government ran, i may be the only Christian...) i'm excited! Got my 1st meeting with one my bosses Monday morning, ooooo, really excited! Need prayer for my mum and me, our relationship, our honesty, and forgiveness and healing and God's transformation of us and our relationship to reign. Bye bye from the English girl who's now in England, by the sea, which actually is beautiful. THANK YOU FATHER, you are good, and you are good to me. Thank you thank you thank you. Philippians 4:6